Wingless
by Ewookiee
Summary: Jimmy knows it's not about fairness or nature or God; it's about time. Time ticks, and time fades, and time waits for no man.


_1. Go to the Bermuda Triangle._

The brunette snickers softly as Ben writes it down. It's a rather dumb thing to begin the list with, but they both agreed on doing so.

"What was the second one again?"

"The cosplay thing," Jimmy answers, resting his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder.

_2. Do a Hulkling/Wiccan cosplay... And make out in front of everybody (at ComicCon)._

They both laugh a bit and Ben kisses the other's cheek. Softly, sweetly, lovingly.

The morning light enters through the window and finds them in Ben's bed, ridiculous pajamas on, with a pad and a pen. It is the first week of their Christmas break and the Masons had let Ben invite Jimmy over for a few days. The boys could even sleep together if they behave, which they always did.

Jimmy took the pad and pen from Ben's hands and scribbled something that then showed, grinning, to the older.

_3. Go to New Zealand and visit the hobbit-holes._

Ben beams. Jimmy laughs. It feels good.

After some discussing about other ideas, Jimmy falls silent. The blond stares at him, lying there, looking at the ceiling, fond smile. The boy rolls to his stomach and writes down:

_4. Go to Argentina and get married without anyone knowing._

Ben thinks it's oddly sappy and romantic coming from Jimmy, but smiles, fondly, none the less.

They're seventeen, know nothing about life, nothing about love, and no one at their age would even think about getting married (unless there's pregnancy involved). They might never even accomplish any of the points on the bucket list, or even think about it again. It still feels nice, good. It feels solid. Intimate. It feels infinite and inamobible.

"What about the kids?" He asks with a smirk.

Jimmy smiles and adds:

_5. Adopt an army of kids (in all sizes and colours)._

They laugh. They don't change or erase it.

For another hour or so (_6. Go to a sex shop_.) they keep adding things to the list (_9. Swim with dolphins_.), things they want to do (_11. Stay in bed all day and watch Disney movies_.), things they want to learn (_18. Learn latin, so we can say whatever we want to each other and not worry about people listening_.). They don't stop until they reach number 34 (_Go to the Himalayas and visit a Buddhist temple_) and Ben's belly starts to make protest noises because they haven't eaten yet. The blond puts the pad and the pen down and quickly goes downstairs, Jimmy soon follows.

About an hour later, Ben goes upstairs to grab something, Jimmy watching cartoons with Matt. He goes to his desk and gets the item. When he decides to pick the pad and pen from his bed to leave them on the desk he notices a 35th point:

_Do this all over again._

He doesn't understand it, but he's not sure if he should ask Jimmy about it. It's an odd one, and he's not sure what his boyfriend means with "this". It could be a thousand different things. He puts the things down on the desk and returns to the living room.

He doesn't know what point 35 means (or even ponders much about it) until a couple months later.

He's at Jimmy's, no parents, no little sister. Ben had tried to get Jimmy in the mood, but he was out of luck and soon gave up. So, they decided to play MKA. They were in the middle of a particularly viscious round when Jimmy went still and pale. He then ran towards the bathroom. He puked.  
Ben kneeled beside him and ran his hand up and down the younger's back, soothingly. He can feel the hard, cold floor through his jeans and the spasms of Jimmy's muscles under his hand. He knows how much his boyfriend hates to puke.

When Jimmy's stomach is done, the boy stays still. Ben wets a towel and cleans his mouth. He wants to ask Jimmy what is it, but there's something (something in the eyes, in the body language, in the statue like stillness) that unsettles him.

Jimmy goes to the other side of the room quietly, and sits against the wall. Ben just stares. Just waits.

Jimmy decides it's probably the best time to do it. So he tells Ben. He tells him, that he's dying.  
Ben gets angry at first. Jimmy understands. Isn't it the first step to acceptation, to be angry? Or was it the second? The boy gets up and starts shouting, moving a lot, breathing fast. He talks about unfairness and imposibilities, he blames the world and blames nature. He blames God. By the time he's done, he's crying, and so is Jimmy.

They both feel sad and impotent, they're wrecked and trashed.

Jimmy knows it's not about fairness or nature or God; it's about time. Time ticks, and time fades, and time waits for no man. Time's a bitch. Bitches tend to mess around with good things and good people.

Ben knows there's nothing he can do, that words are strong, but not that strong, therefore, there's nothing he can say either. He wants to say something. He wants to insult someone, blame them; he wants to implore someone, to save him; he wants to console him, tell him everything will be all right, and for it to be true.

Ben helps him getting up and they go back to the bedroom (with a plastic bag, in case Jimmy wants to puke again). The blond turns off the TV, closes the courtains, arranges the room a bit, while Jimmy takes his clothes off and gets into the bed. Ben follows him shortly after.

They don't talk, they barely move. They kiss, they touch. It's reassuring. They make love.

They're still and silent.

For a moment, Jimmy thinks Ben's asleep, until the older talks.

"There was something you wrote, on the bucket list. The last point."

"Do this all over again," Jimmy quotes himself.

"What did you mean?"

The brunette untangles himself a bit, stares at him.

"I thought it would be obvious by now," he smiles earnestly. "You, and me. This. What we have. I... I want to have the chance, a second chance, to do this again. In another life, or in the afterlife, whatever it is. I want to have the chance to fall in love with you, for a second time."

**So. This is short, and sad, and some people might say it's not even finished (it is to me). I was reading Cross Me Off You Bucket List (Johnlock, a rather nice one) when I thought about this crap, but didn't started it til I was over reading the other story. Hope at least someone enjoys it and you're all free to insult me. Au Revoir.  
* Didn't check the spelling. Sorry kids xd**


End file.
